Ep. 426, We Throw Baby Showers. So Why Aren't We Celebrating the People We're About to Lose?

1. Intro

   0:04Imagine that each morning when you wake up, you're smiling and looking forward to your day, knowing that you're happy, even while dealing with grief and loss.
2. 0:14The Grief and Happiness podcast inspires, comforts, supports you with each new episode.
3. 0:21For more support, check out the Grief and Happiness Handbook and cards.
4. 0:26I welcome you to listen to this podcast and discover endless possibilities for your life.

5. Emily

   0:38Aloha. Welcome to Grief and Happiness podcast.
6. 0:42Today, have a very interesting guest that you're you're gonna enjoy.
7. 0:46I'm really looking forward to this conversation.
8. 0:49Her name is Julie Wright Halbert. Julie, can you kind of introduce yourself to us and and tell us why you're here?

9. Julie

   0:57Absolutely. First, I'd like to say thank you, Emily, for having me here.
10. 1:00I'm grateful to be with you this evening.
11. 1:02My name is Julie Wright Halbert. My background was for almost thirty years as a national education attorney representing urban school districts.
12. 1:10Unfortunately, my husband died just a little over seven years ago very suddenly with cancer within truly three weeks, and that shifted me.
13. 1:19And I have become a transformational soul coach working spiritually to really help folks in transition or with grief and then also working as a death doula volunteering with Tidewell Empath Hospice in Florida for transition as a death doula at the end of life.

14. Emily

    1:35Wow. That's fabulous. That that has become kind of a thing across our nation nation that I think is...
15. 1:42It's taken it too long to get here, and it's wonderful that it's becoming as popular as it is now.
16. 1:48And and what a great thing to do to deal with grief.

17. Julie

    1:52It's so important. Right? And it's also just so supportive for the family and all of the circle support that is around the patient and the client and each of us.
18. 2:02It doesn't matter. I mean, we're all gonna die.
19. 2:04Right? So it's like everyone can... You know, to be able to talk to my children, whether it's music, whether it's something spiritual, whatever it is that one desires ahead of time really allows for a much more peaceful transition.
20. 2:16So it's a beautiful practice. And I trained actually with my mom.
21. 2:20If you can imagine, we trained with Alua Arthur through the Going with Grace program.
22. 2:24And it was really quite lovely and really beautiful to do together.

23. Emily

    2:29Oh, that's wonderful. I know we have a really popular training program here on the island that's done by Doorway Into Light.
24. 2:37That Ram Dass was one of the

25. Julie

    2:39people. Yes. Very familiar.

26. Emily

    2:41Yeah. It's a beautiful program. And I got to go to, like an introductory session last, I think, three days.
27. 2:49It's been a couple of years since I went, but I I was so impressed.
28. 2:53I thought if I had any more minutes in my day, I I would have gone ahead and done the death doula program, but I learned so much.
29. 2:59And I I thought I knew a lot already. But I I learned so much in talking with all the people because they they do a lot more than just, the death doula.
30. 3:09They actually can do natural burials and all that sort of thing too.

31. Julie

    3:14Right. And so there's some death doulas that actually help, like, at the end of life with the spiritual kind of rituals after someone has transitioned past and, others that really are leading up to or others that work with advanced directives to DNRs.
32. 3:28So there's really so many different layers that your listeners should really just look into if they have any interest at all as far as supporting in all kinds of different ways.

33. Emily

    3:35Supporting or getting support. Absolutely.
34. 3:39I hear so often from people that, especially when the dying is is drawn out, it's like their friends and people that had...
35. 3:50They've been surrounded by start slowly disappearing.
36. 3:53And that happened with me the first time, not the second time.
37. 3:57Toward the end, it was like, help, you know?
38. 4:01So he'd come and hold my hand. And I was fortunate that a friend of mine from way back just showed up out of the blue and she stayed with me for the rest of my husband's life and and for a few months afterwards.
39. 4:12And I don't want... Don't know what I would have done without her.

40. Julie

    4:16But you raise you raise a really, really important point.
41. 4:19Right? Because so many people with grief and that are struggling with one that's dying, sometimes people are frightened.
42. 4:24Some people are uncomfortable that it's just...
43. 4:27They avoid death so they feel they don't know what to say or how to show up rather than really do you...
44. 4:31Like you're saying, like, beautifully that a friend was there to hold your hand and to be with you and just to share that space.
45. 4:37You know? It's really... It's so necessary and and so important.

46. Emily

    4:41It was just a great experience for her to be there because she she and my husband, they were so funny together.
47. 4:48My husband was kind of a... He was a really nice positive guy and he laughed often.
48. 4:54And so they'd start laughing together and they'd be having like...
49. 4:58She'd help do things like bathe them even, and they'd be giggling and laughing and it would just crack me up when they had such a nice relationship.
50. 5:08It kind of brightened the whole feeling in our home because I wasn't so overwhelmed.
51. 5:14We could each do enough so that everything was getting done without it being a burden on any one person.

52. Julie

    5:20Yeah, no, it's really critical. People don't realize that caregivers, the support they provide, and really, how often caregivers get sick after their person passes and dies.
53. 5:32And my mother-in-law actually got very sick seven days after my father-in-law died and ended up in the hospital and was very, very sick and was septic.
54. 5:41And she just was taking such care of him that she made herself very sick.
55. 5:45And it's so common. It's really... It's so important that people recognize that caregivers need support too.

56. Emily

    5:51Yeah. I don't think we we do a good enough job in our society with, as Ram Dass says, since we just mentioned Ram Dass walking each other home.
57. 6:02I I love that phrase that he has in the the book and movie with the the same title.
58. 6:08It's a really such an important part of life, and you can get so much out of fully experiencing it instead of trying to avoid it.

59. Julie

    6:17You know, Emily, I don't think you could say anything wiser because I think that sense of really being in the essence with somebody transition, I have found, you know, as a death doula and volunteering, whether it's with somebody I love in my family or whether it's somebody who was a complete, you know, stranger in the sense physically, but spiritually, you feel such a deep connection to what I call love.
60. 6:40You feel the love in that space. It's such a...
61. 6:43The energy shifts, and it's really a blessing and something sacred to be able to witness and to be a part of.
62. 6:50And it's not something we should be afraid of in our society, but it's something we should walk towards just like you're saying, walk with and walk towards.
63. 6:57And, you know, I talk a lot, like when my book that's forthcoming to my Anastasia's Ascending about how we treat birth and birthdays versus the sacred last breath.
64. 7:07And there's no reason that we shouldn't celebrate that end of life just as much as we celebrate that first breath on our first day that we're born equally.
65. 7:15And so... And in so many ways, should celebrate it and honor it and walk towards it for sure.

66. Emily

    7:20That's so true. We had, withdrawn, my second husband who died.
67. 7:25He had been in the hospital for a while and he kept asking the hospitalists, which I'm not crazy about that way of practicing medicine nowadays that they do, but he would ask them, What are you going to do for me?
68. 7:40Why am I here? He was a very intelligent...
69. 7:43He had three master's degrees, very intelligent person, and they would really kind of try and blow off the question and talk about something else.
70. 7:52The last time I remember having that conversation with the hospitalist and listening to him talk to him, he said, You need to tell me what you're doing for me here that I need to have for me to have my best quality of life.
71. 8:10And the doctor started this whole list again of, Well, you can have this test and this test.
72. 8:15And he says, You've done all that. And he goes, Well, you can have medication and this medication.
73. 8:19And he said, you've done all that. What else are you going to do?
74. 8:23What reason should I stay in the hospital?
75. 8:25And he didn't really have a reason to give him for him to stay in the hospital.

76. Julie

    8:29It gives me the chills. Right? Because how many people are like your husband that are stuck in that space, and there's not an advocate or somebody to say, listen.
77. 8:39I want to go home. I want to go... I want to die with my family or my loved ones

78. Emily

    8:43or

79. Julie

    8:43whomever animals of... That you adore, whatever setting, whatever that the dying person has agency around and to use their voice to embody that and to own it and for us as a society to listen.

80. Emily

    8:59Yes. And and and so often, many people don't listen.
81. 9:04In our case, the doctor wasn't listening, so my husband said, okay, I hear what you're saying, and I'm going to leave the hospital this afternoon.
82. 9:12And the doctor said, well, if you do that, then you're going to have to leave against doctor's orders and you won't be able to take any of your medications with you and all this.
83. 9:23He was like threatening him. And he said, okay, I'm leaving and we have a good- Good

84. Julie

    9:29for him. God bless. Like good for him for owning that and taking charge of himself, you know?

85. Emily

    9:34Yeah, because he realized where he was. And it was such a neat experience because we called a friend of ours who's a nurse practitioner who lives in Ohana on our property, and she had everything arranged by the time we got home.
86. 9:49She, had a hospital bed and all the equipment and anything that we needed to have was there.
87. 9:57And she called the doctor, the hospice doctor, and explained about him not being able to take medications home.
88. 10:04So when we got home, the hospice doctor was at our house, and he hadn't agreed to be on hospice yet because he wasn't sure he wanted to be yet.
89. 10:12And she said, that's not a problem, but I'm gonna give you your prescriptions now so that you won't have to go without the prescriptions.

90. Julie

    10:19Well, he shouldn't be in pain and suffering.
91. 10:21Right? I mean, that's the

92. Emily

    10:22whole purpose

93. Julie

    10:23of palliative care and hospice care and for your audience to understand the differential between the two.
94. 10:28But no matter what, to have that palliative comfort care and hospice care as you need it.
95. 10:33And good for, you know, both of you for having the agency around his voice.
96. 10:37And I just have to share something because this is...
97. 10:39You know, as we talk about these shows, so you said Ohana.
98. 10:41Okay. Everybody knows you're in Maui.

99. Intro

    10:44Yes.

100. Julie

     10:44But my husband always comes through in some aspect of self, and I...
101. 10:49Connect with him through numbers and all kinds of stories I can tell you.
102. 10:52But my children, my boys that are now 24 and 26 have a startup in New York City that's really all over...
103. 10:59All kinds of places around The United States and in London and Australia, and, it's called Ohana.
104. 11:06Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. So I just had to say that.
105. 11:08Like, you know, it's just like... I was like, hi, honey.
106. 11:10Like, you're with us. Like, you know, I hear you.
107. 11:13So it's... It just had to share.

108. Emily

     11:14So cool. I wonder what big smile was about.

109. Julie

     11:18Yeah. Exactly. As soon as you said, was like, oh, okay.
110. 11:21Here we are.

111. Emily

     11:22Ohana, for those who don't know it, is Hawaiian for family, and the the word is used for a lot of different things, and they all center around love, just like aloha.
112. 11:32Aloha means love in all different forms, and the whole Hawaiian society really has a lot to do with love.
113. 11:40I think that that's one of the things that made things so so beautiful here because when, he got home, when we we arrived at home, I said, okay.
114. 11:49We we need a plan. What do you want done?
115. 11:52What do you want to do? And he said, well, I want to say goodbye to everybody.
116. 11:57I said, okay. So we started making phone calls and first called all the people that we thought would be able to come over to Maui on short notice, and quite a few of them did.
117. 12:07And that was interesting because we had people sleeping on the floor on air mattresses and sleeping on neighbors couches and everything around here so that everybody who wanted to be with him could be.
118. 12:20And then calling the other people that weren't going to be able to come that he really wanted to say goodbye to.
119. 12:26And he really was able, at that time we could just do FaceTime, they didn't have Zoom very well at that point, So he would FaceTime these people, and he...
120. 12:37We made a list, and he got to talk to every single person on that list.
121. 12:42And when he was finished with the list, he said, okay.
122. 12:45I'm done.

123. Julie

     12:46Such a blessing to have that time. It's such a gift.
124. 12:49There's are certain people... My husband called because he died at home as well with hospice.
125. 12:53And I just... Those certain phone calls just really resonate in my heart, like him talking just with his mom, and she was not well enough to be present.
126. 13:01She was in a skilled nursing facility and him just talking so beautifully with gratitude and grace for his childhood and his memories and just so so many thank yous.
127. 13:15And it makes me, you know, tear but like just what a wonderful mom she was to him and how grateful and how much he would always love her and be there for her.
128. 13:24Some of those phone calls just echo in my soul because, you know, with his dearest friend, it's...
129. 13:29We call him Jimmy P, but it was his childhood friend from...
130. 13:32Like, they worked summers at the beach and he still looks after me and the boys and, oh, my heart just just to have the opportunity to make connections and share that love comes back to that ohana, you know?
131. 13:45Just, yes, it comes back to family and community and, you know, how amazing for your husband that people were on the floor and on air mattresses and there for you and there for him.
132. 13:55And I feel that. That's just... It's it's what it's about.
133. 13:58Right? Like, every listener should know, like, we each...
134. 14:01If we're able to have that, we should embody that and want it and share that desire with our with our friends and loved ones because it makes it a beautiful experience rather than something we should really deny or be fearful of.

135. Emily

     14:16I just wholly agree with that. And we celebrate, births when they're coming and having showers and that sort of a thing.
136. 14:24We celebrate marriages. And after someone dies, we usually do something.
137. 14:31But before, I think it's when we really need to focus on it so the person who is dying can be involved in it.

138. Julie

     14:39Yes. Absolutely. I am working with two producers, from...
139. 14:43It's called the great beyond, but they did a film, a documentary called a butterfly has been released, and it's about a hospice nurse in her final thirty nine days.
140. 14:52And we're doing a launch of my book with working with hospice in the state of Florida and with this film, and it's all that.
141. 14:58She has this beautiful celebration of life.
142. 15:01She has a brain tumor, and she she calls it a butterfly tumor.
143. 15:04And so that's why it's a butterfly has been released.
144. 15:07And her name is nurse Allison. And it's amazing journey because she has this celebration with everybody she wants to see before she dies.
145. 15:16And I'm like, I want that. I've always wanted that.
146. 15:18But now that... Well, as soon as you see it, and I encourage your listeners to...
147. 15:21They can watch it. Go to tgbeyond.com. And it is amazing because it's really completely exactly like you said, like celebrating birth, celebrating death, but doing it while you're alive.

148. Emily

     15:33Yeah. It's so important and just just lovely.
149. 15:38When my husband, Jacques died, his celebration of life was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen.
150. 15:46I'm sure he was there in spirit, and he would have loved to have known what what we were up to and what we ended up doing.
151. 15:52And he would have loved to have participated in it actually, knowing him because he loved to be on stage.
152. 15:58He was a philosophy professor and bioethicist, but he was also a singer and actor and loved performing.
153. 16:08And so we did this celebration at the theater we had created together.
154. 16:13We had a beautiful 99 seat theater that every seat was folded off, in the wings we had chairs set up and people were in the lobby and they were all over the place, and it was absolutely amazing.
155. 16:27And I thought, oh, I wish that our good friend Mike, who put the storyline together of it, would have talked to him about it beforehand so he'd know what was coming because he would have been so excited.

156. Julie

     16:41You know, and I believe with every cell in my body, because I connect with my husband all the time, that he was definitely with you and he definitely knew.
157. 16:49So don't think for one second that he did not know.
158. 16:52And in fact, you know, he probably was involved with orchestrating it more than you can imagine.
159. 16:56Yeah.

160. Emily

     16:56I'm I'm sure he was because it was it was so him.
161. 17:00It really was. One of the things that I think he would have enjoyed most was, back in the olden days, he was a lot older than I was.
162. 17:08He had a live radio show in Los Angeles, and it was just him and a guy who played piano so that he he could sing.
163. 17:17And he had a beautiful, beautiful voice.
164. 17:20And when I was cleaning some things up after he died and before the the celebration, I found a record that they had, an old fashioned, like, vinyl record that they'd made of him singing.
165. 17:34And it wasn't in real good shape. But I I taught at the university, and we we talked to the guy who did the tech stuff for the theater there in Sergey said, could you get something off of this that's, you know, usable, playable?
166. 17:49And he did. And so when people were coming in to sit down, they were listening to Jacques sing.

167. Julie

     17:54Okay. If that's not amazing, I don't know what is.
168. 17:56Yeah. What what a beautiful way to honor his memory and honor his voice and he's completely present with you.
169. 18:04That's amazing.

170. Emily

     18:05Absolutely. It it was so in need. I I was sitting here.
171. 18:09I wasn't talking much at the beginning of it because I was just exhausted for one thing, and it it was, kinda kind of a challenge for me.
172. 18:16But I was hearing people say, golly, that sounds just like shock.

173. Julie

     18:21Imagine that. Yeah. I

174. Emily

     18:26love that.

175. Julie

     18:27You know? And I think, you know, as you talk about all of that, it brings to mind, like, the whole idea of presence and the purpose behind your podcast as far as grief and happiness.
176. 18:37And I think it's really how one is such a mirror to the other.
177. 18:40Like, even though we can feel so much deep, deep, deep pain, and I describe my own as being, like, shattering and raw and just really dismantling to the soul is the language a lot of times I will use.
178. 18:52And I think it's important for all of your listeners no matter the type of loss that they have experienced.
179. 18:57And I say this all the time, whether it's divorce, whether it's death of a loved one or a pet, or loss of a job.
180. 19:03I mean, we experience loss. Everybody experience loss and grief in their life all the time.
181. 19:08And it's so important, I think, presence, really like that bringing that pause, bringing that sense of awareness, and calming of the nervous system does so much to bring us to the moment, and I really believe allows us to move through the pain to a place of appreciation and gratitude for the memories we hold.

182. Emily

     19:27That's so true. I was just thinking when you were saying that we're right now, in Hawaii dealing with a...
183. 19:35What they're calling a hundred year storm, and it's been going for a week already.
184. 19:39And according to the weather, it's gonna be continuing for another week.
185. 19:43And we're having major things like 75 or 70 miles an hour wind over 80 inches of rain in the first week of the...
186. 19:54And and the rain's still coming. So you can imagine all the damage that...
187. 19:59That's happening. And so I've I've been on the phone a lot because we're we're staying home as much as we can to not be on the roads because it's just too dangerous.
188. 20:09But I've been listening, people will say something about they're so upset about one of their friends whose condo is flooded or that sort of a thing.
189. 20:19And so it's not themselves, but they're they're so affected by other people's loss.

190. Julie

     20:26Absolutely. My goodness. That's so horrifying.
191. 20:29You know? And it's scary because if you're still in it, you don't know what's coming.
192. 20:32Mhmm. So, you know, it's... The flooding is real, and then you have a loss of home security, loss of food, and then people need to look out for other people.
193. 20:41I mean, we've had it in Florida with all the hurricanes, but it's devastating how many people lost their homes in our hurricanes.
194. 20:47So it's weather and what we're not in control of is very real and very scary at times.

195. Emily

     20:54You know? Yeah. It really is. And we have a problem too with, we're the most isolated place in the world to live, and we get food delivered by barge from the mainland.
196. 21:10And I have heard that within three days after not having the barges come in, we would be out of food on the island.
197. 21:18And so we're getting some, but most of us know to keep our pantries stocked.
198. 21:26We've got all kinds of stuff at home all the time because we never know when something's going to happen because we're so isolated.
199. 21:33And it's the people that don't have the place or the funds to be able to back up things that are really hurting now.
200. 21:42I mostly listen a lot and I know resources that I can refer people to.
201. 21:47And that's one thing that everybody seemed to be pitching in to help other people out.

202. Julie

     21:54Absolutely. Giving is everything and being able to be generous and whether...
203. 21:58No matter the loss or circumstances, it's it's so incredibly important.

204. Emily

     22:02So I I love what what you're doing with your situation and and how you've, how you've turned it...
205. 22:09Well, kind of like I've done in so many people that I know because we tend to to cluster together the people that are doing the the kinds of things that we're doing, it changes your life.
206. 22:20I'm happier now than I ever have been, and I'm really surprised to say that because I didn't think that was gonna be what happened.

207. Julie

     22:27You know, I think it's something... It's so important for people to know.
208. 22:30I mean, I think right when death happens and whether it's tragic or it's terminal illness, no matter the death, there's a decent period in which you're in trauma and you're in grief.
209. 22:39So everybody should know, like, there is no timeline.
210. 22:43And, you know, is, grief is not something just that people say to fix or get through, but it ebbs and it flows.
211. 22:49We all know that. But I think the thing that's so amazing also to know is that, yes, I'm with you, Emily.
212. 22:54I am really happy. I have a beautiful partner.
213. 22:58I have two boys that I... Or young men that I shouldn't call boys, but I will call them that probably to hell I...
214. 23:04Every day that I'm on this earth. Mhmm. And it's just...
215. 23:06I'm so grateful. And so to be in a place of gratitude rather than feeling like a victim that I lost my husband at 51, yeah, it was horrible and horrifying.
216. 23:18I miss him, of course. But you know what?
217. 23:20He's with us in such spiritual ways. And for that, you know, I say to everyone too, we have the capacity intuitively to connect to the other side.
218. 23:29He connects with me through numbers, numerology, through three thirty three, and affirms so many of my decisions and guides me and has guided me through my book that I'm writing that's forthcoming.
219. 23:40And he really, I believe, without a doubt, has channeled it through me and with me, and it's to help others.
220. 23:46It's miraculous. It really is miraculous.
221. 23:48And I think when we can see and believe that somehow, in some ways, those that we love from the other side can help us in this lifetime be more than we can ever wish that we could have ever dreamed of being.
222. 24:00And Jim is hand in hand walking with me, you know, bringing it to the world and it's awesome.

223. Emily

     24:08It really is. It's amazing. There are things that that you just don't expect will happen and they'll they'll come right when you need it the most.
224. 24:18We had a song that, when when we were dating one time, and I came over to his house and he said, I've got this song you've got to listen to.
225. 24:27I I recorded it. It was back in the days when people recorded things on their little tape recorders, but he'd heard it on the radio and found a way to record it and had me listen to it.
226. 24:39And I thought, you know, I've heard that song before, but I hadn't really paid attention to the words.
227. 24:43And he said the same thing, that he'd heard it plenty of times, hadn't paid attention to the words.
228. 24:47But that day, they stuck with him. And they stuck with me too when I listened to him.
229. 24:53And it was the song As by Stevie Wonder.

230. Julie

     24:56Oh, of course. Yes.

231. Emily

     24:58And whenever I hear that song comes up, like, I need it, for a while, when I was really having kind of a dip, you know, when I was

232. Julie

     25:09They come.

233. Intro

     25:09Yeah. I get it.

234. Emily

     25:10There was a TV commercial that had it in the background and it was one of those TV commercials that got played over and over and over again.
235. 25:18I said, thank you. Okay, that's enough. It was so much, But, still, I'll I'll just hear it in random places every once in a while.

236. Julie

     25:29You know, they control electronics. Jim has done stuff with our TVs, with our lights, with the music.
237. 25:36And, you know, there was a long time. I'm like, oh, one of my first podcasts that I ever did, I was like, it cut out exactly at thirty three minutes of the hour, and then he had come back on.
238. 25:44And I hadn't ever spoke about the connection with him to the other side.
239. 25:47And I'm like, okay. Fine. I'm coming out.
240. 25:50I'm gonna tell the world that I connect all the time and that it is what it is, and I am intended to help people know that it's real.
241. 25:58Yes. And, I mean, oh my gosh. One of the first things, like, days after he passed one of our wedding songs, my phone was sitting in the middle of my bed.
242. 26:04It was not on, and then all of a sudden, it was, like, one of the...
243. 26:07You know, I don't if you've heard it forever ever Amen, like the kind of the country version.
244. 26:11It comes blaring out and it was like on our wedding video with some really fun pictures, and I'm like, okay.
245. 26:16Okay. I'll smile. I'll find my way to smile.

246. Emily

     26:19I'll tell you one of my favorite ones, very favorite ones.
247. 26:22Well, two. I've been putting off getting married to him for about four years, because it was weird for me, because I had been married to Jacques for twenty two years, and I just didn't feel like I was unmarried.
248. 26:36I know they say till death do you part, but I didn't feel unmarried, so I just felt like it was hard for me to think about actually getting married.
249. 26:45And on 12/26/2010, I looked at the calendar and I said, oh, look at this.
250. 26:55New Year's Day this year is gonna be one one one one.
251. 26:59I said, wouldn't that be like a neat anniversary?
252. 27:01And he said, yes. I'll make all the arrangements.
253. 27:04And so we we got married. I know one one

254. Julie

     27:08I have to tell you. I have to share something with you.
255. 27:11I I love how these things come forward. Right?
256. 27:13Jim and I were together twenty five years, married for twenty two years.
257. 27:17And several years after he passed, I met a gentleman.
258. 27:21His name is Glenn Cohen. He's neurological intelligence master life coach.
259. 27:26And I found him as, like, a resource through another friend to help me, like, with trauma, etcetera, like this grief.
260. 27:31And... But I I didn't work with him ever as a client.
261. 27:33Needless to say, just this December, on the same date, on the twenty sixth, he asked me to be his...
262. 27:39For a

263. Emily

     27:40soul commitment because I said, what do

264. Julie

     27:41I need to be married ever again? So... But it's the same date as you.
265. 27:45Yeah.

266. Emily

     27:46Is that funny? Yep. That's Very funny. Really interesting how those happen.
267. 27:52The other one that just popped into my mind was one of the people that Ron really wanted to talk to was a minister that he had worked with at one point in his life, and he had told me about him since I'd known him, and I'd never met him because he never seemed to be in the country.
268. 28:08He has a house, I think, in Costa Rica in addition to the house that he has here.
269. 28:14And when we were making the calls, I was doing a lot of the calls on my phone, and then I'd hand them to Ron to talk.
270. 28:22And I had been able to get ahold of him, which was shocking because we'd been trying to get ahold of him for like ten years and hadn't been ahold of him.
271. 28:29But we were able to get ahold of him that day.
272. 28:31And Ron had a really long conversation with him, and you could tell that they were really close when when they lived close together, that they they were just really, really close friends.
273. 28:42Fast forward five years, it's Valentine's Day, and I get a phone call.
274. 28:48And usually, if the number's a number I don't recognize, I don't answer it.
275. 28:52I let it go to to message and then decide whether or not I'm gonna talk to whoever it is.
276. 28:57I thought... It it came up with the name of a church, and I thought, I bet that was Ron's friend.
277. 29:03And so I picked it up, and sure enough, that's who it was.
278. 29:07And he says, don't know if you remember me or not.
279. 29:09And I said, oh, yeah. Of course I I remember you.
280. 29:12And he said, well, I was cleaning off my desk today, and I picked up this book and a piece of scratch paper fell out of it, and there was a number on it.
281. 29:20And I got to looking at it, and it had your name and your phone number on it.
282. 29:25I realized it was Valentine's Day, and I thought that's Ron trying to tell Emily happy Valentine's Day.
283. 29:31So I thought I'd call you and tell you happy Valentine's Day from Ron.

284. Julie

     29:35And you know what? That is so much kindness, so much intuition, so much divine timing.
285. 29:43For every one of your listeners, this happened.
286. 29:45I mean, Emily, that is so beautiful, and he orchestrated for him to wish you a happy Valentine's Day from him.
287. 29:52What does that do to your heart? That is amazing.
288. 29:55Any and all of that is possible. We just have to ask for it and be aware and listen because, oh, that's so nice.
289. 30:03And how nice that he took the time, he had the intuition, he had the divine understanding, and he made that phone call.
290. 30:09And you also knew, like, right, your intuition.
291. 30:11You saw the phone and you said, I'm answering.

292. Emily

     30:13Mhmm. And we had a long conversation too.
293. 30:16It was really interesting. And I'd never talked to him before besides, you know, calling him and saying what the call was for and then handing it to Ron.
294. 30:25So it was really a good thing

295. Julie

     30:27for me. I want to capture something you're saying, like, and how important it is.
296. 30:31And I don't think people often realize this.
297. 30:34I had a dear friend from college who just died in his sleep a month ago, and I just found out about it on Saturday at sixty one.
298. 30:41Or maybe he just turned 62 the day before.
299. 30:44I hadn't talked to him for several years, but I just sent a note like a LinkedIn, happy birthday.
300. 30:48But I've reached out and connected with his brother who I knew about from years and years ago from when I was in college and I never had spoken to.
301. 30:55But what you're talking about, how this gentleman called you and reached out and was thoughtful, I want your listeners to understand that it's so important that even after somebody dies, that to really be mindful of the others that have lost somebody and that it's just because the six months have gone by or a year's gone by, that person is always with you and in your heart.
302. 31:17And those phone calls, they don't make a little difference.
303. 31:20They make a huge difference. That means the person that you love has been seen and heard and connects with you through somebody else.
304. 31:27And I want people to be open that they know that they should if they ever comes through them to make that call or to make...
305. 31:34Go by for a visit, to do it because that's real divine connection.
306. 31:38It's important.

307. Emily

     31:39It really is. You get more comfort than that...
308. 31:42From that than lots of other things.

309. Julie

     31:45Exactly. That's my point so much. That's exactly the point.
310. 31:49Like, I really want your listeners to hear that because I think people...
311. 31:53I don't know why, Emily, but people sometimes are so avoidant and scared of death that they stay away or they're silent.
312. 32:01And rather than stepping in or walking with, people move away.
313. 32:05And it's so important for those of us that are left here to really feel that support.
314. 32:12And there's just not a better gift or a better act of kindness that one can do.
315. 32:17It's really important.

316. Emily

     32:19That's true. It's nice to be able to have, somebody to tell it to and know that it's...
317. 32:24That the word's getting out there. Cause I think when you have examples of things that happen that people will say, oh, maybe I did have that example or that that kind of experience and hadn't recognized that it was something that really happened.

318. Julie

     32:41You know, sometimes I am... I'm about being hesitant to share for the sake of, like, people are like, oh, oh my goodness.
319. 32:46But so, Glenn, who I'm seeing now, his firstborn and my second child had the same birthday.
320. 32:53Now Oh, wow. My has... This is more than that.
321. 32:57My husband was seeing the numbers 333 for about three years before he died to the point of which we have all kinds of pictures of him pointing at it on his watch, on addresses shared between, like, his brother, my kids, myself, my parents, siblings, I mean, best friends.
322. 33:12Like, everybody knew about the numbers, but he wasn't sick.
323. 33:15And then he got sick and died in three weeks.
324. 33:17Okay? And my husband, what time did he die?
325. 33:2003:33. On the minute PM. Right? And the hospice nurse, remember at 03:23, she's like, he's taking his last breath.
326. 33:28I'm like, no. He will not. He's going to die at 03:33.
327. 33:32And absolutely, he even opened up his eyes again.
328. 33:34He did not die until 03:33. But my partner's son is born at what time?

329. Emily

     33:39333.

330. Julie

     33:40Yes. Yes. So my husband from the other side, I believe in the soul journey.
331. 33:46I believe that we all made these decisions before we came to this time.
332. 33:50It's really up to us to listen, but we get serious signs.
333. 33:55So it's it's... Can't just happen. It's just that way.
334. 33:59And that's just sharing with others so people know that it's very real.
335. 34:03It's quite miraculous, and it's... Warms your heart, doesn't it?

336. Emily

     34:06Oh, it really does. It really does. I I love to talk with somebody like you about this.
337. 34:12I I was just noticing we've both been smiling through this whole conversation.
338. 34:16That doesn't always happen. So many times, everybody's so serious about everything.

339. Julie

     34:20You know what? I think it's part of life.
340. 34:23Right? We're all gonna die. And if we can have more celebrations of life while we're alive and more people like your husband can actually talk to people like my husband did as well.
341. 34:33And even though he died quickly, he had time to reach out to people he really loved.
342. 34:38And wow. Like, so many people die just like my friend just died in his sleep and, you know, family could not speak to him.
343. 34:45It's... We... That's a blessing to be able to talk to people and to be able to leave that hospital and go home.

344. Emily

     34:50Oh, yeah.

345. Julie

     34:50Be with your dogs. Be with your pets. Be with the people that you wanna be in the environment you wanna be in.
346. 34:56I encourage everybody, if they can do it, do it.
347. 34:59And if they need hospice care to call earlier and to not be fearful and and reach out for death doulas in your area, whether it's through Inelda, whether it's through Going with Grace, who I was trained with, your local hospice, whomever.
348. 35:12So many... Like, I volunteer as a death doula.
349. 35:14Like, that's all volunteer time, and it's it's such a gift.
350. 35:18And people are there for you. So your listeners should reach out and know that there's people that are there to support them.

351. Emily

     35:23That's such a a wonderful thing. And I'm I'm glad to spread the word about death doulas because not everybody's heard of them and don't recognize the great gift that they can be to your circumstances.

352. Julie

     35:35They are changing. I mean, I'm getting ready.
353. 35:37There's somebody who's having a conference in the fall.
354. 35:39It's called the threshold. And then another woman is doing a conference, in Ohio called laboring out.
355. 35:45There are some amazing groups of death doulas, and they are just really...
356. 35:49I think what's interesting, I'm finding, that people are engaged.
357. 35:52And, like, this film I'm talking to you about, people want to partake.
358. 35:56They wanna learn. They wanna ask questions.
359. 35:58So there are conversations that I think, Emily, honestly, are opening.
360. 36:02People are starting to have conversations that they haven't had before.
361. 36:06We're seeing, like, an opening that we've never seen in past years, I believe.
362. 36:10I think we're really experiencing something that's shifting in our society.
363. 36:13I I pray.

364. Emily

     36:14I do too. And especially in this this particular time in our society when it seems like there's so much negativity every place you turn around, that things are negative, that it's very important to find the positive things and focus on on that.

365. Julie

     36:32Yeah. You know, when you say that, I have in my book, I have something that's called the seven presence vows, and my book is called Divine Ashes Ascending.
366. 36:39But what I want to highlight and anchor in is this whole idea of presence.
367. 36:43Right? And that no matter the pain, no matter the grief, no matter the depth of what any one of us have to go through...
368. 36:50Because life can be challenging. Like, you and I were talking before we started.
369. 36:53Yes. Everybody has a story. Everybody has experienced loss, and we don't get out of this world alive.
370. 36:59So the bottom line is how do we want to live?
371. 37:02So my lessons are really around how do we live intentionally.
372. 37:06I say something as far as being a conscious guide around living and dying awake.
373. 37:11And what do I mean is that we live completely presently so when the time comes to die, that we are also conscious and that we are able to celebrate it with legacy and love rather than sadness.

374. Emily

     37:21That's so beautiful. Is there anything else?
375. 37:24You've mentioned your book name a couple of times.
376. 37:26Is there anything else you wanna tell everybody?

377. Julie

     37:28Yeah. Absolutely. I would actually. I would love to share that you can follow me on Substack under Julie Wright Halbert.
378. 37:35It's with a w r I g h t, Halbert, h a l b e r t on Substack.
379. 37:40And from there, you can find my LinkedIn or my website, which is risingphoenix.life.
380. 37:45And please feel free. I'm happy to talk to anybody regarding anything they are going through and to be a source of support through coaching or speaking or anything they may have interest in.
381. 37:54Thank you so much for having me, Emily.

382. Emily

     37:56Oh, my pleasure. So glad that you were here.
383. 37:59Oh, I'm grateful.

384. Julie

     38:00I always find this time is more just a gift to ourselves than anything.
385. 38:04I really do appreciate it.

386. Emily

     38:05Well, great. I'll... I will say goodbye today, but I'll be back next time.
387. 38:12I've got so many podcasts out there that you can listen to at this point.
388. 38:16So join us as often as you can and share the information because we love to be able to tell people about all the kinds of things we were talking about today.
389. 38:27I feel better just for the conversation.
390. 38:29I hope you do too.

391. Julie

     38:30Me too. I feel lighter. I feel totally lighter.
392. 38:32See? So we can all find our happiness. So thank you so very much.

393. Intro

     38:39You want more comfort and support and happiness?
394. 38:43Join the Grief and Happiness Alliance at our free gatherings on Zoom every Sunday.
395. 38:48Visit my website at griefandhappiness.com and read my books, The Grief and Happiness Handbook, and get your set of the beautiful Grief and Happiness cards.
396. 38:59Be sure to subscribe to our podcast, rate it, review it, and binge listen to all of our episodes.
397. 39:05I can't wait to welcome you back to another episode of the Grief and Happiness podcast.

Machine transcribed, so names, some words and who is speaking may be off. Tap a line to listen from there. Julie on Grief and Happiness, with Emily Thiroux Threatt. Also on Apple Podcasts.