Finding the Beauty through the Pain

1. Sharon

   0:02Welcome back to the Sharon Fitzmaurice Podcast where we celebrate the resilience of the human spirit.
2. 0:08A wonderful guest today all the way from Florida is Julie Wright Halbert.
3. 0:13She's a death doula, end of life educator and leading national voice for grief literacy.
4. 0:20Her work is grounded in decades of public service and shaped by the sudden loss of her husband.
5. 0:27She speaks and writes on death literacy, ethical presence, identity after loss, and what it means to live and die awake, consciously choosing intention and meaning in each moment.
6. 0:41Julie is also the founder of Rising Phoenix Life and author of Divine Ashes Ascending.
7. 0:48Julie, you are very welcome.

8. Julie

   0:51Oh, I'm so grateful. I'm blessed to be with you, Sharon.
9. 0:54I'm thrilled.

10. Sharon

    0:55Thank you so much. So as I said before, we started recording what intrigues me about all of the wonderful people I've met all over the world is the journeys that life has taken us on.
11. 1:11And when it is our own life and we choose, you know, to have a career and do all of these wonderful things.
12. 1:18But when we meet somebody and we fall in love and our life sometimes takes a different trajectory because you know we're walking side by side with the one we love.
13. 1:29But when that person passes it can change the trajectory of our life in many ways.
14. 1:38So I would like to look back, Julie, at your life first and see where you are, what your dreams and goals were, you know, where your passions lay before even meeting your husband.

15. Julie

    1:50Absolutely. I think one of the most interesting things is that going back to even my childhood, I really was enthralled and loved children.
16. 1:59I was a camp counselor. I was always intrigued with the human spirit.
17. 2:03And there was something childlike in that, I would say.
18. 2:07Before I met my husband, I interned. I went to University of Maryland in College Park in Maryland.
19. 2:13And then I worked for a senator Hollings from Charleston, South Carolina, where I was born and raised.
20. 2:18And I was fascinated. There was a nation at risk that was brought in The United States.
21. 2:24Really, we're going back into, I believe it was 'eighty nine.
22. 2:27And so Senator Hollings wrote the Democratic response to that.
23. 2:31And at that point, I was so intrigued and really passionately committed to urban education, passionate about disadvantaged children.
24. 2:38So I went to University of Miami Law School to particularly work in that space.
25. 2:43And so that is where I met my husband. So I was already passion driven, soul aligned, very much, very early in my life and in my career.
26. 2:52But of course, his dying completely transformed and shaped my life.

27. Sharon

    2:59Yeah, I love that you met, you know, when you were I love the way you said that you were passion driven and soul aligned.
28. 3:07Is that something inside of you stirred your need to, you know, go out and follow that passion and bring it into the purpose of your life.
29. 3:17And meeting your husband then was another passion.
30. 3:19It was another, you know, your line is souling or your soul aligning with somebody else that was obviously going to mean so much to you.
31. 3:29Tell us about your journey together with him, Julie.

32. Julie

    3:32Yeah, and what comes up immediately and touches my heart deeply, right?
33. 3:36Like that space took me I became an education law attorney nationally, representing 78 urban school districts.
34. 3:43But Jim was so supportive. He was so kind and so loving.
35. 3:49And you don't always see that in relationships.
36. 3:51But we were so aligned that we supported each other before and when we had our two boys.
37. 3:57And so when I think about him and my heart swells with it, is that how much he held me up and I held him up in the space of what we had as our family.
38. 4:06And that continues to today, which we can talk about because he connects with me, he connects with my children, and it's very, very much a part of our day to day living.
39. 4:17So he, of course, was with me in the physical space, but it's very much with me in the spiritual.
40. 4:22And I would say to you, that part was early love, creating a family, the kids playing sports.
41. 4:30I volunteered a great deal in the community.
42. 4:34Actually, his father has passed as well as his mom, but they always were intrigued.
43. 4:39My own grandmother was intrigued. I had many cases in front of the US Supreme Court on civil rights, desegregation, special education laws.
44. 4:49So it was a whole different window of my life, I would say.
45. 4:53And so we shared those interests at that time.
46. 4:55And no question, which I would share with your audience, is that grief is an entry point into much deeper awakening and shattering of the soul.
47. 5:04And so, of course, his sudden death was part of that shattering.

48. Sharon

    5:10And I'm so sorry to hear that because I read that he passed very shortly after his cancer diagnosis, which again, when I think about people when they're diagnosed with any, you know, unwellness or disease, that it's a time for us to almost reevaluate our lives and what our priorities are.
49. 5:37And if you're anything like me, Julie, it's to kind of say, Okay, what can we do?
50. 5:42We know we have this to deal with, but what can we do to support you, the person that has been diagnosed, but also myself and you having children and even extended family around you?
51. 5:55Did you even get an opportunity because he passed so suddenly after the diagnosis to even prepare for it.

52. Julie

    6:03Okay, so you have touched so many important topics.
53. 6:06So, kind of we'll take them a little bit at a time.
54. 6:09First, to answer your question, preparation, not really.
55. 6:14It was traumatic. Course, we couldn't even get the diagnosis.
56. 6:20He went into the hospital November 5. November 10, we found out it was a cancer, but they called it, I don't if you've ever heard of it or any of your listeners have heard of is a cancer of an unknown primary.
57. 6:31So they couldn't find where the cancer stemmed from.
58. 6:35They found undifferentiated epithelial cells in his liver, but we had to go to MD Anderson to find out that it was bile duct cancer.
59. 6:43It's cholangiocarcinoma. That was one week before he died.
60. 6:49The Thursday before we returned home from MD Anderson, the doctor said very clearly to Jim, I can put you in the hospital and you will die of an infection or you can go home.
61. 7:00He immediately looked at me. We were with a dear friend who helped us arrange an Angel Medevac, which bless them, how they help people from crisis, and left that afternoon to come home to our children.
62. 7:14We had one week together with that diagnosis and no treatment.
63. 7:21And hospice came in, and I do a lot of volunteering.
64. 7:24And my work with the death doula is with the hospice.
65. 7:27And they were angels. And really, Jim had the opportunity to speak with his mother, with dear friends, family.
66. 7:37His brother was with us, my sister, my brother.
67. 7:39Everybody came to be with him in some of these final hours.
68. 7:44And from that place, he was really grateful.
69. 7:47I mean, Sharon, what I would say to you, to every person listening, is that we have the ability in these final hours to choose a space of gratitude and joy.
70. 7:58It may sound crazy, but it's real. When speaking to the ambulance drivers or on the plane with the medevac, I will always I talk about this in my book Divine Ascious Ascending I will always remember his space of kindness.
71. 8:13He was asking these other present souls, and I say souls because they are souls, about their lives, about their essence.
72. 8:22And it amazed me. I remember thinking, how is this possible that he's not sitting with anger and resentment, but yet in a place of peace and calm?
73. 8:32I learned so much from him in those days.
74. 8:36And I'll share this also. He said to me and shared, it's a chapter in my book, that he was being held in the hands of God and he was at peace within twenty four hours before he died.
75. 8:48Now note we met in law school. He was an engineer by trade, a builder developer.
76. 8:54He did not speak of religion, but he always spoke of kindness.
77. 8:59His legacy of teachings to our children was kindness.
78. 9:03It was about how we treat every soul that we come upon.
79. 9:08Doesn't matter about degree, education. It's about seeing.
80. 9:12It's like me seeing you as we sit here, is feeling that energy as we were talking about.
81. 9:17You in Ireland, me in Florida, but we are completely present, which is something I teach over these seven present vows and how we show up to each other.
82. 9:27But I wanna go back to something else you said, and I want everyone to really take it in.
83. 9:34What is ease versus dis ease? And how is it that chronic illness comes into our lives?
84. 9:42And how is it that we must stop and look at what is the purposeful alignment?
85. 9:47If you believe, which I do, what is your soul journey?
86. 9:52And how may you awaken to the stress that's showing up into your life or even a diagnosis and how you may shift that into an awakening to decide to move differently through your life.
87. 10:05I would say to you, my husband was in Fight or Flight.
88. 10:09Bless him. He was reading The Body Keeps a Score by Bessel Van de Koch.
89. 10:13And I have studied heart math and heart coherence.
90. 10:18And I utilize that with my clients and coaching.
91. 10:21How do we move into that presence of joy even through the deepest grief and shattering possible so that we may heal.
92. 10:30And so it's really a dichotomy of what is ease, what is dis ease, and how that impacts our entire physical and spiritual experience.

93. Sharon

    10:42Thank you so much, Julie. When you spoke of Jim and in his, you know, final twenty four hours and he felt like he was held in the hands of God And that he had no really you know big talkings of God before that but it was kindness.
94. 11:02And isn't kindness one of the greatest gifts that we can offer each other living Day to day, present to present, as you said, my words are I see you and I hear you.
95. 11:16I say that to myself when I'm going through a hard time and I'm able to say that to my clients or people that I meet.
96. 11:23You know, I'm here. I'm here for you.

97. Julie

    11:27Yeah. As I talk about the vows that I created, but to present with what is.
98. 11:34And it's how we see the essence in each other to be I see you, I hear you.
99. 11:41There's a gentleman on LinkedIn who was talking...
100. 11:43He talks all about kindness. And I shared one day...
101. 11:47I I was in the OB GYN's office. I was having an ultrasound based on...
102. 11:51I'd had one ovary that was removed earlier in my life that was enlarged along with my fallopian tubes.
103. 11:56And I had a grandmother who had a very rare fallopian tube cancer.
104. 12:00And there was a young woman present, and I could tell she was very nervous.
105. 12:04And so, of course, I saw her. I held space for her.
106. 12:09I started to speak with her and immediately her nervous system could calm.
107. 12:13So, I was coaching in the place of life rather than professionally.
108. 12:18And that's what it means to see each other, to see ourselves.
109. 12:22And I'm sure you're familiar with the Hiponopono prayer.
110. 12:26But how important it is to see ourselves, to recognize, forgive ourselves, to say thank you and I love you to ourselves.
111. 12:36And also, I'm sorry. And really being able to bring that to others.
112. 12:40Right? Like, that's the true act of kindness.
113. 12:43It's the deepest level of the soul of where we can be kind to our own being and also to one another.
114. 12:50And that's really what's quite amazing. I told you I was so excited to talk to you.
115. 12:55But I heard you. I saw you. I see how you show up for your guests and your audiences and how beautiful it is to be in that state of presence and being.
116. 13:07That's what it's all about.

117. Sharon

     13:08And I feel it's something we need to remind ourselves you know, in the presence of others, because lives have become busier and there is more, you know, to dos and we want to fix things.
118. 13:24And I speak about this a lot with my podcast guests.
119. 13:28And that's why I love the art of conversation and I love the sitting down and being able to see the person again through screen or right beside me.
120. 13:37It's to have that and again it's energetic for me.
121. 13:41It is soul to soul. It's heart to heart.
122. 13:43And it's sharing you've experienced and learned on your journey.
123. 13:47And I like to go deeper into it and also share some of my personal experience because that's how other people I always feel.
124. 13:55They feel less alone that look at Julie, she's in Florida.
125. 14:01And how did she manage to go through that loss, you know, with her husband being diagnosed and then passing so suddenly?
126. 14:08And how did he find peace? Like how come that didn't happen to me or to my husband or to my parents or you know and they dread the loss of another loved one because of the experience they had maybe when they were younger last year or six months ago.
127. 14:27And that's why I'm intrigued with you, Julie.
128. 14:30With your husband getting the cancer diagnosis and passing so quickly after it.
129. 14:36But him finding that peace in that moment and that kindness, did that help you to accept or did you still find that that you were anger, angry or that you were...
130. 14:50You're not ready for this? Why is this happening now?

131. Julie

     14:54Yeah. I mean, yes to everything. Right? Like, it's a great question.
132. 14:59First off, you talked about the state of doing versus being, and I think it's really important to at least emphasize that.
133. 15:04Right? Our society lives in this chaotic state of doing.
134. 15:11So it's when we are in the state of being is when we are in the state of presence that allows us to come in contact with our grief, be it death or loss of any kind.
135. 15:23Right? So, yes, I was completely shattered.
136. 15:27I was present for him as he was dying. My children and I held his hand bedside.
137. 15:34I was with him. My parents were present.
138. 15:38We were extraordinarily present. And I would say to all of your listeners, rather than coming to resistance with death, but where we can step in to a place of allowing and surrendering and being with one that we love, it opens to a place where there's not so much fear, but yet there's love.
139. 16:01And that love really can guide us to soften what we see as deep loss and grief.
140. 16:08Right? So to answer your question too about my family, yes, I was raw.
141. 16:15It was shattering. I... I've talked with others.
142. 16:18I speak in my book where I literally was pounding on the ground, holding his sweatshirt, crying, smelling him after and saying, Yes, why me?
143. 16:29Why us? He was 51 years old. My children were 16 and 19.
144. 16:35Absolutely. I would not be in the human form if I was not angry, if I did not have resentment, if I did not understand and question how can the man that I love, how can somebody I was with for twenty five years disappear in three weeks?
145. 16:50So that's that's the human aspect of it.
146. 16:53Right? That's only natural to be in that space.
147. 16:56But the question is is how do we come through it?
148. 17:00Right? How do we find the beauty, which I call one of my chapters, the beauty through the pain?
149. 17:06The opening is how we greet the pain, how we choose.
150. 17:13Do we become the victim? Do we suffer? Do we sit in it?
151. 17:16Or do we literally make a choice to greet it with kindness, with gratitude, and find a path back to our joy?

152. Sharon

     17:26As you say that, I can feel it.
153. 17:34But in the moments of grief, sometimes people have fear.
154. 17:39And that fear of what am I without this person?
155. 17:46What will my life look like without this person physically in it?
156. 17:52I don't know any other way now without them.
157. 17:57And I know that might may sound silly to people and they might go, well, it's not about what I feel, but that's what we're thinking.
158. 18:04It's a lot of the time is how am I going to survive without the love of this person in my life?
159. 18:11Because it has become part of our lives and who we are and how we show up in the world.
160. 18:18So yes, we so physically miss that person and we want to hear their voice and feel their hand on our hand.
161. 18:26But it's how we show up for ourselves every day without that person.

162. Julie

     18:32Yes. And yes. And yes. Right? Because I talked yesterday with somebody from London about the content of identity shifting.
163. 18:41Right? My... Whom I was the day before my husband died and who I was the day after was never going to be the same person.
164. 18:50I was never... My soul had completely shifted.
165. 18:53So, yes, for every one of your listeners, that is real.
166. 18:57Right? When we lose somebody that we love in the physical and you can't touch them, be with them, or if you're married or a partner and your home is quiet, even if it's a pet and they're gone and their souls are not with you, like, whatever that...
167. 19:11A divorce and the person is still alive, that is a loss equally, and grief shows up.
168. 19:17So our identity changes. The dynamic for my family of four with our loving dog, you know, went to three, and then our dog died.
169. 19:26And that shifting was significant, and it took years for us to work through.
170. 19:31We are over seven years today to shift through to where we are right now.
171. 19:36So it takes a consciousness of awakening, of going through healing modalities, of wanting to work through the trauma and grief so that you do feel the pain, but that you make a choice that, okay, my identity is shifting.
172. 19:52I am not happy with this. I I thought I was going to grow old with my husband.
173. 19:57I thought we would travel together. I thought my children would...
174. 20:01This brings me tears, you know? But I thought my children would have the blessing of having him present at their weddings, at grandchildren.
175. 20:09Those milestones break my heart. I always was the lawyer, always could fix anything.
176. 20:16I can only be mom today. I cannot be their father.
177. 20:22And it's very real for them that he is not present in the physical form.
178. 20:27So yes, that grief is very real. And yes, our identity has completely shifted.
179. 20:32But it's really a choice to still when I wake
180. 20:35up every day, there's a prayer called Yeneni.
181. 20:39And it's like, here I am and to know that it's up to me to be awake, to be having gratitude for
182. 20:49my soul returning to my physical body in
183. 20:51the morning. And literally for you, Sharon, I woke up with
184. 20:54this energy of like, I know we have not met prior that we know of,
185. 20:59but I immediately felt a connection to you as I listened to your podcast.
186. 21:04And I was like, wow, I'm so excited energetically to speak to you.
187. 21:09And this is everything that I could have hoped for because it's real.
188. 21:13And those are the lessons. Like, how do we show up ourselves with another?

189. Sharon

     21:20Thank you, Julie. And even when you were speaking about your children, and again, the emotion so present and so real, you know, I could even feel that for you because, of course, you know, you're thinking of yourself and your loss of your partner that you fell in love with.
190. 21:40But again, as mother is, it's I feel that for my children because we want to protect our children, you know, from any kind of suffering or pain.
191. 21:48And we don't expect, you know, those losses to hit them when they're so young.
192. 21:52And I think what it is, it's the the missing of what the future might have looked like for them with their father in it, that you're also and we also grieve for when people leave us, you know, in the physical.
193. 22:07But I love your honesty about it. And I love the honesty about the anger that you felt.
194. 22:13You know, smelling Jim's sweatshirt and banging the ground, because I think that is a normal reaction for every person, we have to go through that anger because we sometimes find it hard to face when you were angry and you're obviously thinking of your children and your family and everyone else that, you know, loved Jim.
195. 22:37When did you feel? A sense of. I want to say relief.
196. 22:44And I know it might sound like a strange word, but that's what's come to me.

197. Julie

     22:50No, no, no. And it's a perfect question.
198. 22:52Right? So I'll start to share with your audience ways that I work with people to healing.
199. 22:57And I actually include this exercise in my book.
200. 23:00Okay? So I moved from where we were and from where Jim died.
201. 23:05We moved from Pennsylvania to Florida, and he died in a home we were renting.
202. 23:09So, I was building my own place. I thought we would build a home together as my second child was finishing high school.
203. 23:16So, I found this sanctuary on the water for myself, and I really have surrounded myself in peace and tranquility.
204. 23:23So, one of the walls, if your listeners can imagine, is a whole wall of pictures.
205. 23:29It is a wall from every milestone, all just glorious moments of our families' lives.
206. 23:36And I used to wake up, Sharon, every morning, and I would sob, literally sob.
207. 23:44And then, I don't know what happened, but one morning I woke up and I was looking at a picture of us in a cave, and we had those headlamps on our heads, everybody can imagine.
208. 23:55And I can remember I got stuck in a crevice and my kids laughing and just being together.
209. 24:04So what happened was I looked at the memory.
210. 24:08I experienced it with joy. I went back to it not with sadness for what was or for what could be, but just simply being in that more present sense of what it is today.
211. 24:22And it was a beautiful memory. So I take people through a process of having a picture with them, being able to reflect with it, and rather than looking at a place of sadness about the past or the future, but bringing it into the present with gratitude and joy.
212. 24:41That is what allows us to shift. And when we shift our energy into a space of gratitude rather than, woe is me, the victim that is suffering, and this is not going to be my family, that was the beginning of literally a moment at which I said, oh, my energy is finally shifting.
213. 25:02I am shifting. This is a beautiful lesson, and it probably led me along the path of becoming a transformational soul coach.
214. 25:09But it was like a process of knowing how we can shift ourselves.

215. Sharon

     25:13That's beautiful. And I also feel that in, you know, sometimes when I'm working with groups, I'd say, you know, we can have those bad days.
216. 25:23We can have the days when we're extremely sad, angry, whatever it is.
217. 25:27And we'll say I can't find joy in that moment, in that day.
218. 25:32And I asked them to go back and experience a memory of joy they had in their life.
219. 25:37Whether it is with a loved one or an animal or a friend or whoever it is to go back and remember that and to see it and feel the joy in their body.
220. 25:48And then to expand of that joy because the joy is remembered the same way the sadness or the pain is remembered And that we hold everything because joy is not everlasting.
221. 25:59Sadness is not everlasting. That they are all moments.
222. 26:02Aren't they for me Julie? That's what it feels like.
223. 26:05It's there are moments in time that we've captured.
224. 26:07We've banked inside ourselves and our energy and we dip in and out when we need them, when we need to work with that emotion for whatever is going on.

225. Julie

     26:17Let me just say you and I are so aligned that I'm so happy
226. 26:20to be here with you. So yes, I do exactly the same thing with my clients.
227. 26:24And so that is part of heart math and heart coherence.
228. 26:27So for your audience, even just for a moment, to consider closing their eyes and putting their hands over their hearts and do exactly what Sharon is saying, to come into a space, think of a moment that brought you so much gratitude, so much joy.
229. 26:42This could be a birth. This could be just a moment outside in nature listening to our bird or the waves or the ocean, anything that moves you to that space and memory of joy.
230. 26:54And we hear that within our being and re experience it, go through all of our senses.
231. 27:00We want to hear it, see it, feel maybe the wind, the sun, understand that it's all moving through our nervous system.
232. 27:09And as we move through this process, that joy expands within our being.
233. 27:15And from those moments, we come to our healing.
234. 27:19And that is exactly what heart coherence is.
235. 27:23And that is the difference between finding ease versus being in dis ease.
236. 27:28And we all have the ability and the choice to find this ease.
237. 27:33So, yes, yes, we are all able to come to this moment of true heart coherence and embody that joy.

238. Sharon

     27:41That is so beautiful, Julie. Thank you. I love any work with the heart and I love any work connecting back in with, you the joy we have felt.
239. 27:52I know in life that all of our emotions are energy and motion.
240. 27:57They move through us and that some of them we are learning from and the experience of being human and having those losses, you know, those deep heart wrenching losses for us can be debilitating.
241. 28:13But again, if we can find, as you said, the ease and the joy within the memories we have shared, especially with a loved one.
242. 28:22And we hold on to them. They'll be ever present within our hearts.
243. 28:25We can recall them and we might shed a tear as we're smiling and laughing about a memory.
244. 28:32But both can be present, I believe.

245. Julie

     28:36Yeah, no, very much so. And I would share with you too.
246. 28:40So I'm blessed, and I say this to your listeners too, that have lost a spouse or a partner.
247. 28:45I've been dating as a sole partner, a beautiful man.
248. 28:49His name is Glenn Cohen. And he's a master neurological intelligence life coach.
249. 28:53So I share that because he works within the nervous system.
250. 28:57So these woundings that you talk about, like where we feel pain is real.
251. 29:02But I want every one of your listeners to know, and I've learned through him being my partner and helping me through grief, and shall I say, my husband, it was a real soul journey, an intended connection, which I can share.
252. 29:13But he's helped me work through my own grief so we all can go within.
253. 29:18We can all tap into those pains and woundings.
254. 29:21And I never want one of your listeners to think that we don't honor that pain because it is real.
255. 29:27It's just that you and I are sharing there's a way through.

256. Sharon

     29:31Yeah. And that's the way I like to see it.
257. 29:36The simplest way I explain it to people, especially when I'm working with them, is when I was experienced deep pain in my own life, I used to feel the pain in my body, Julie.
258. 29:46And I would imagine that pain like a really dark tunnel because that's what it felt like in my mind.
259. 29:53But instead of being afraid of what was in that tunnel or at the end of the tunnel, I said, let me travel through the tunnel.
260. 30:00Let me go through this. I am the light. There is light within me and I'm shining the light in that darkness.
261. 30:07Where does it want to take me? And sometimes it was within that darkness that I allowed myself to see myself truly and fully.
262. 30:19And that it was okay to see that part of myself.
263. 30:22That there was both in me. There was light and dark and if by honouring the light and dark within me again I could honour the joy and the grief.
264. 30:33The happiness and the sad ness, the anger and the pure exhilaration when excitement took over my body and I wanted to dance everywhere and shout from the rooftops that all of it is an expression of who we are in this human life.

265. Julie

     30:52You captured that so beautifully that it literally brings me to tears, truly.
266. 30:57It's just such a beautiful statement of seeing everyone should know that we all there's nobody.
267. 31:04There's no one. I say this all the time.
268. 31:06We all have a story. There's darkness in everyone's life.
269. 31:10But it's the choice of moving through that dark tunnel.
270. 31:13It's the choice of finding the beauty and the pain.
271. 31:16We get to decide our mindset, how are we going to go through it and how do we find that light?
272. 31:23That light is a vessel that exists within each one of us.
273. 31:27I say it's the connection to the divine.
274. 31:30You can call it spirit, creator, universe.
275. 31:33It doesn't matter the word. But that light exists for us to connect to and to know that it's real.
276. 31:39And so, yes, there is resistance and anger with grief, and there is joy in love.
277. 31:46And how do we bring that love in order to move through that deep pain?
278. 31:51And that's what it's all about. You just shared that so eloquently and perfectly.

279. Sharon

     31:56Thank you so much. Again, I can only share, you know, as I say that to everyone, I can only share from my own personal and again, what I've learned or been taught by people that I've met throughout the years.
280. 32:08And a lot of them have been people that have experienced, you know, the most tragic of losses, you know, deep seated losses that you would not want anyone else to experience.
281. 32:23But again, that was part of their life's journey, their soul journey.
282. 32:27And I like to see it as we're walking along the road, Julie, and on one side is love.
283. 32:33The other side is the fear. And you're walking along your beautiful road, Julie, and you're going to college and you're meeting your love and you have all of these beautiful plans and excitement for the future.
284. 32:44And the love is all there. You're inviting it all onto you, alongside you.
285. 32:50And the other side, the fear is far off in the distance until it isn't.
286. 32:55And next thing we feel like it is completely taking over us.
287. 32:59But it's just like the love. We've just invited more of the fear to take over the path and to maybe block our view for a while and not know where we're going.
288. 33:11But at any time, it's just us on the path and who or what we invite to walk alongside us is, again, just as you said, part of our choice when we are more aware, our understanding of it.

289. Julie

     33:26Yeah, something you said I want to say for your listeners is really, really important.
290. 33:31My original life coach that I worked with was this gentleman named Mick Mezaroff, and he kind of led me to my me doing my internal work, which I found my partner.
291. 33:39They both talk about fear as being false evidence appearing real.
292. 33:44I think it's really important to say that for your listeners.
293. 33:47What is fear? Fear is what we create as false evidence appearing real.
294. 33:52So I think we can remind ourselves that it's only a mindset that one is adopting, but that it doesn't necessarily really exist.
295. 33:59And I question and I say to each individual, what is present?
296. 34:06What is what is my really presence? You know?
297. 34:09And to really allow yourself to honor yourself and what you feel and to really go in with what is that soul alignment, my passion, my soul purpose.
298. 34:21It's very easy. Gosh. In your young twenties, my boys are 24 and 26.
299. 34:25It's real. We can easily get lost in what we think society expects of us no matter our age.
300. 34:33Right? So it's when we show back up in that space of love, and I believe even more importantly, soul alignment, then the universe brings us exactly what is aligned with our soul.
301. 34:48Right? We haven't directly talked about it, but I pivoted from being in national education law for twenty eight years working on US Supreme Court amicus briefcases to becoming a transformational soul coach and a death doula.
302. 35:04Now who does that? Right? Like, people are like, how do you leave this huge career to go into this space that really embodies compassion, love, grace and kindness, dignity around agency of dying, and talking about death.
303. 35:20It is because our society, our universe needs to raise that vibration of consciousness.
304. 35:26This is what I agreed to in my soul with my partner before I came into this world.
305. 35:33And I am delivering on my soul purpose. I have no problem saying in my wise old age of 57 and really completely embodying it.
306. 35:43Right? So I connect with the other side.
307. 35:46And I had a beloved aunt who just came through the other night, two nights ago, my aunt Marcia.
308. 35:52And she said to me, Julie, just remember when you're working with others that there is no past, there is no future, There's only now.
309. 36:00So if your listeners just can remember, there is only now and not to...
310. 36:06It's natural, but to pull ourselves out of that space about what could have been.
311. 36:11You know, if I sat with the what ifs or every time I saw a father with a son or a family that has all of the members of their family and felt sorry for myself, I couldn't move through.
312. 36:24I have to make a choice to find the beauty, light, and joy in my life today with my children, with my partner, with all my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my dearest friends, then I'm grateful.
313. 36:39And that allows me to reconnect to myself.

314. Sharon

     36:44That's beautiful. I keep saying it's beautiful, Julie, because it is the way you express it.
315. 36:49And I know it wasn't just an easy thing, as you said, you had to do your own inner work and you had to sit with that pain and that darkness within yourself.
316. 36:58You know, all of the emotions that came with it.
317. 37:01And again, who am I? That identity shift of who am I now without Jim?
318. 37:05I'm still a mother to my sons, but I don't have the father present anymore.
319. 37:10So what does that look like for me practical day to day?
320. 37:14Don't mind this healing and this inner work and this transformation, you know, that's happening sometimes without my choice.
321. 37:21You know, I'm choosing to be the best I can today for my children to show up, to find the joy in those memories.
322. 37:30So when you started that inner journey, which I love, because I always say the universe is within us, the answers and wisdom are within us.
323. 37:38If we take the time to go in and sit, I always say it's like I open up parts of me and I find a new library of wisdom that has been given to me on some level.
324. 37:50And I'm like, oh, what am I going to read today?
325. 37:53And then I'll have a conversation with somebody like Julie and I'll go, that's exactly what I was inspired to, you know, think more about, write more about, and you're talking about all of the topics that I absolutely love, Julie, from, you know, going for your passion and purpose to falling passionately in love with somebody, you know, having your children, you know, going following your career, But also experiencing the deep hardships in life that we do and finding a way through that and sitting with the darkness inside of yourself.
326. 38:31But then to sit here opposite me, you're in Florida and I'm in Ireland and to feel such gratitude for having those experiences and having the opportunity to choose where you wanted to align your soul, your purpose and your passion with from every moment after that.

327. Julie

     38:53Yeah, you know what I would share? Mean, my book Divine Ashes Ascending, and I'm not sure when this is live, but it will come out on October '26.
328. 39:02And that's the ascension. Right? That's the awakening.
329. 39:07And we can do that in so many different ways.
330. 39:10But we... And I encourage all of your listeners to listen to what comes up for you.
331. 39:15For me, I was drawn to Sedona. I did a lot of work.
332. 39:19One was with a Sufi woman who was lovely on hands analysis.
333. 39:23And I found that my divine purpose was to trust in the unknown.
334. 39:29So what does that mean? But that was like the beginning of me unfolding, really starting to peel that onion and say, who am I?
335. 39:38What is intended with this life of mine coming through this pain?
336. 39:42And I went from that critical analytical thinker of a lawyer to this right brain, heart centered soul to do that unfolding.
337. 39:53But it takes so much presence to be in it each day.
338. 39:56And I've done everything from Akashic records to working, on ancestral healing to soul imprints.
339. 40:05So it depends on how spiritually open one is.
340. 40:08But I will say to you, each modality, it could be as easy as yoga.
341. 40:13It could be as easy as automatic writing, which means free flowing writing to your listeners for ten, fifteen minutes every morning, like the Morning Pages from Julia Cameron, and really sitting with yourself and just allowing.
342. 40:27Right? Like, we showed up to each other today.
343. 40:29And so as we feel called to heal, to expand, whether it's to work with you, to work with me, others, to read, to share experiences, that's the beauty.
344. 40:42And it opens. You just have to be willing to say yes, to allow, to surrender and not to resist.

345. Sharon

     40:50And I think maybe that's what a lot of people feel when they feel grief, whether, as you say, it can be grief through a separation.
346. 40:58It can be grief through, you know, a physical passing Is that resistance to experience something new?
347. 41:05Because we want the old back. We want that person back.
348. 41:08We want them here. Why did things change?
349. 41:10I didn't want things to change. But when we can't change it, there is a part where acceptance comes into place, Julie.
350. 41:20Yes. And the acceptance for me is a key to freedom.
351. 41:26But it's sometimes very hard for people to find that acceptance.
352. 41:29When did you feel that acceptance in your life?

353. Julie

     41:33Oh, gosh, that is such a great question.
354. 41:36I need to really even just sit with that for a moment.
355. 41:38Acceptance. I mean, the early years, right?
356. 41:41There was so much when you deal when anybody deals with a sudden death, there's trauma.
357. 41:46So it takes a while before you can actually touch the grief.
358. 41:50So that was a period of time. And then I stepped into the healing.
359. 41:55So I would say to you, my acceptance came.
360. 41:58Such a beautiful moment. I love when you ask questions and I love we were just present with each other.
361. 42:02So actually, my doctor's daughter, her name is Shelby Elsbury, she actually was a professional ballerina in Denmark and, I believe, Boston, and then she trained in New York City Ballet.
362. 42:16And during COVID, she was here in Sarasota.
363. 42:19So we would go outside, and this is early.
364. 42:22Right? My husband died in 2018, so 2020.
365. 42:25And we are doing yoga outside looking at the water, just the two of us, and sunrise, sunset in the rain.
366. 42:36And I would say that was beginning of my acceptance.
367. 42:39Literally standing in a positioning with my heart open and being reigned on and allowing myself to cry.
368. 42:48So I guess I would say to your listeners is that for me, it was in that deep acceptance with somebody else who was so kind, so loving, so present with me.
369. 42:59And then I was able to experiencing the actual somatic, the energetic opening of my soul.
370. 43:09And I was accepting of my pain, but allowing it to pour through me and to release.
371. 43:15So it was in that release, in those tears, literally just experiencing somatically that I would believe that would be the moment that I began my acceptance.

372. Sharon

     43:30Even the being reigned on, You know, to allow yourself to cry as the rain falls on you, it is so ethereal in a way.
373. 43:42It feels like nature was supporting you.
374. 43:46In that space of releasing, allowing, letting go and the person that was with you, that she accepted you and held you as you were allowing yourself to be.
375. 44:00And what a beautiful gift that is when other is just allowing them to be in whatever way they need to be.

376. Julie

     44:08You know, it literally brings tears to my eyes because should never have been in Sarasota, but COVID brought her to Sarasota.
377. 44:17And I don't know, was her mother or father, her dad's my doctor, somebody mentioned that she did yoga.
378. 44:25When we feel that nudge to reach to somebody, one, I encourage our listeners to do so.
379. 44:30But the acceptance, I really... I speak to her like as if she was an angel because I'm looking at your picture in the background of a sunset.
380. 44:39And sometimes we did yoga early in the mornings and we saw the sunrise.
381. 44:43Sometimes it was in the evening and we saw the sunset because their place overlooks the Sarasota Bay.
382. 44:49And sometimes it was in the rain, but we always stayed present in whatever nature brought us.
383. 44:55And I think your point about nature is really important no matter where your listeners are, be it
384. 45:00in Ireland or be it anywhere in the world, is
385. 45:03that there's always beautiful nature that surrounds us.
386. 45:07And I encourage everybody to go be in nature because I believe that I would not have survived without the healing of nature.
387. 45:16So I'm so glad you recognize that reigning and the connection of what that ethereal experience was.

388. Sharon

     45:23Yeah. Yeah, Julie, it's lovely because as you're, you know, I'm feeling all of this from you.
389. 45:31You know, I can actually almost in my mind see you standing in the rain and seeing your tears fall.
390. 45:39But the feeling of it because grief can be hard on our body and it can be so painful to hold it even though people are saying I'm not.
391. 45:49I'm trying to let go, but it's too hard.
392. 45:52We we are. It's that not allowing it until we're able.
393. 45:56And I think that's what it is for people.
394. 45:58Allow yourself, you know, to be softer, to be nurturing, to walk in nature.
395. 46:03Just as you said, you knew there was somebody that could help you, you know, and that was in supporting you in your yoga practice, which allowed space for the body and for your emotions to flow.
396. 46:15A beautiful journey. If we look at it that way.
397. 46:22And I know there's still many people that may listen to this podcast, as you know, Julie, and they're still very much.
398. 46:31In the grief process. And I would say to them to listen to you, to read your book, to listen to your truth about the pain, the banging, the anger, you know, but finding the joy in the photograph, you know, of your family when you were a full unit as such.
399. 46:53And remembering back to that memory and how beautiful it was.
400. 46:58And that you had a very short space of time with Jim before he passed and that you had the preparation time and the trauma that was involved around this.
401. 47:10Did that lend you to your practice of being a death doula where you could support others?
402. 47:19In their... Without

403. Julie

     47:21question, right? So since I was a little girl, my mother shares this in the intro of the book, but I will share this with your listeners.
404. 47:29She said at the age of seven, her dad had died suddenly of a heart attack at 60.
405. 47:34And I used to feel being tucked in at night under the covers.
406. 47:39And one morning, I shared with her. I saw my grandfather all dressed up like on the corner of the bed, but he would always tuck me in.
407. 47:47I came downstairs and I shared with her, and she had seen the same thing.
408. 47:52And I was only seven. And she wasn't gonna tell anybody, but she was just amazed that at a time that I said that.
409. 47:59So I would say to you is that intuitively, I've always been aware.
410. 48:02I was with both grandmothers as they passed, as they transitioned.
411. 48:06I believe it's very important to really be with the soul and to allow the soul to know it's okay to let go and to really be a guide in that space.
412. 48:15I was with my father-in-law before he passed and, and of course my husband.
413. 48:19So yes, all of these experiences definitely led me to wanting to become a death doula.
414. 48:25So I was working in a grief therapy program in hospice beforehand with young children that have lost siblings, parents, or grandparents that it's called Blue Butterfly with Tidewell Hospice that my mother works in.
415. 48:36And I did it originally. And then I found myself wanting to help people in transition.
416. 48:41And I believe, and I'm volunteering only in that space right now with hospice.
417. 48:46I'm also working on a documentary film that's called A Butterfly Has Been Released and collaborating with my book and with hospice.
418. 48:54The reason for that, honestly, Sharon, is that I believe we are love.
419. 49:01I believe that in end of life, there's love.
420. 49:04And when I was bedside with somebody recently and there was no family around, and I did not just like I did not know you per se before today, but yet I feel I know you, standing by the bedside and being in meditation and feeling the connection through love to the transition.
421. 49:24I remind everyone we come into this world with love.
422. 49:27We leave with love. There's no material item that transitions with us.
423. 49:32So, yes, in my heart, I believe I am moving into this space of honoring my soul alignment, my soul purpose.
424. 49:41And what do I allow? Talking about allow and accept is that every day it unfolds.
425. 49:46I could never predict how this conversation was going to go with you.
426. 49:49Right? But I allow you, allow we're here in presence together.
427. 49:54So that's the beauty. And there's so many death doulas that exist around the world today.
428. 50:00People can find them through Inelda. I trained with my mother, actually.
429. 50:04She's a death doula as well with Going with Grace.
430. 50:07And I'm continuing to unfold and learn in this space.
431. 50:11So just honoring it and knowing it's okay, and it will be okay, and we can come to it with love.

432. Sharon

     50:19Beautiful. It is that way of we're coming into this world with nothing and we're going out with nothing per se, but we're going out with the expansion of our soul and the joy and the love that we've shared with the people that we were blessed to know in this human experience that is called our life.

433. Julie

     50:39Absolutely. And I would want to actually correct myself in that, like, materially leave without anything.
434. 50:44Right? Yeah. But spiritually, absolutely, I energetically believe our essence, our soul continues in spiritual form.
435. 50:52And I connect with my husband all the time.
436. 50:55I want people to know that that's very real.
437. 50:57We connect numerologically. I get clear audience messages.
438. 51:01I share them in my book. I connected with my soul partner through his son and my son share the same birthday.
439. 51:09His son was born at the same time that my husband died.
440. 51:12My connections are forever and ever in synchronization.
441. 51:16So yes, yes, and yes, we spiritually continue.
442. 51:19We energetically continue, and I can always experience it.
443. 51:23And it's... That is the greatest blessing in my life.

444. Sharon

     51:28That would be a sense of peace to a lot of people when they are grieving the loss of a loved one.
445. 51:37And I hear them often saying to me, are they safe?
446. 51:39Are they at peace? Where are they? Do they feel lonely without me?
447. 51:43You know, are they still hurting? And all I can say is Julie, anything that I've ever felt from spirit, including my own sister and many of the people that I've known that have passed or transitioned from this world is pure love.
448. 51:59Is pure love. And sometimes the sense of humor, the giddiness that, you know, they may have had, I can feel that they're like their personality coming through to their own loved one, saying something funny.
449. 52:12And I'm kind of going, I can't say that out loud.
450. 52:15You know? But then there's that's just who they were in life.

451. Julie

     52:20Yes. But I think that's a really important point.
452. 52:22I mean, listen. Their personalities come through.
453. 52:26My husband is funny. He plays jokes on me all the time.
454. 52:30He catches my attention all the time. Yes, their personalities will come through.
455. 52:35It's very real. And so I think that's actually some of the magical part of it.
456. 52:41I mean, is crazy, and I'll share this. My mother's brother was this big time criminal defense attorney.
457. 52:46He decided that he was going to have Frank Sinatra.
458. 52:49She was lying in bed next to him the night before he died,
459. 52:53and he wanted to play the way we were. And yet, when he came through with her, comes through, and Tina Powers as a medium comes through singing, belting out, Regrets, I had a few.
460. 53:08And so my mom's like, Oh my goodness. He was so committed to his career that sometimes he wasn't always present with family.
461. 53:16So he was coming through to recognize that with her.
462. 53:19There's no way she could have known that.
463. 53:21And yet his personality, full blown, very big, very funny, very loving, came through completely.
464. 53:29So yes, and yes, and yes, people should know their personalities are very real.
465. 53:33The first time I connected with my husband, I think I laughed and cried equally as much.

466. Sharon

     53:37And that's what I was just going to ask you is like that first time you connected.
467. 53:42What was that feeling? And you've just answered it.
468. 53:44It was the laughter, you know, of his personality, but also, yes, the tears, you know, because and I think it's again, of again, acceptance or peace or both that that connection is still there, even past the physical, that if we silence and pause and listen, you know, not just to the pain if we focus in on that love that I always say they're only a whisper away and it's to listen to those little whispers within us.
469. 54:17The little signs or synchronicities, just as you said, that will fill our days and especially on the days when we need them the most.

470. Julie

     54:26Well, that's really when they show up. Because they feel that you need them, so they do
471. 54:30show up. But just to answer your question, it's interesting to go back because I had my first session with Tina about six months after Jim died.
472. 54:37And I would say to you, for your listeners, I actually felt relief because, one, I knew he
473. 54:43was there. There was no way some of the things he was sharing, nobody else knew.
474. 54:47There was no question in my mind. And he was so funny.
475. 54:51So it was like, you know what? Yes, He's not physically with me.
476. 54:54But it was just an affirmation that intuitively I had felt him with me from the beginning.
477. 55:00And then it was like, okay, this is just so real.
478. 55:02Like, there's just nothing to question. I know this to be true.

479. Sharon

     55:05I love that. And they will find a way to get that message through to you because they want you to feel that joy and love still in your life and that they are ever present.
480. 55:17And that brings me on to Glenn, then your lovely soul partner now.
481. 55:21And again, I just I'm so I'm so happy for you.

482. Julie

     55:27Thank you.

483. Sharon

     55:28I'm so happy for you because what you're sharing, you know, about your life with Jim and where it has brought you on your journey.
484. 55:37And then to meet someone that you were so aligned with now in that soul partner.
485. 55:44How was that, you know, even that opening up to receive love from another love interest, you know?

486. Julie

     55:52It's a big question. And it's actually been...
487. 55:54If Glenn was here, he would say to you, it's been quite a journey and not quite so easy always to be with me.
488. 56:01But yes, really was a soul blueprint. I mean, he connected with me.
489. 56:08I connected with him through literally Messenger, full share.
490. 56:14And it was through somebody who was a therapist, it turned out
491. 56:17to be a prior girlfriend of his, somebody who I knew from childhood.
492. 56:22This is the truth. And her name, she shares my name.
493. 56:26So anyhow, there were so many coincidences.
494. 56:29And so as we followed it, the first time we were ever, we took a trip together.
495. 56:34So my husband connects through 333. And the first time we were together, we were near Blowing Rock where we were in Boone, North Carolina.
496. 56:43I have a picture in my book. It says 3,333 feet.
497. 56:47And it says, wait, underneath it, it says, live it up.
498. 56:51And do you know what my lesson is? It's to live awake.
499. 56:58I never even thought about it to this moment with you.
500. 57:00I just caught it. So it's to live and die awake, but it's all about living.
501. 57:05And so not only that, Jim shows up. I have pictures in
502. 57:08the book. People really want to see evidence of stuff literally in the fire above my head because I was going through grief, and Glenn had to be dropped in and help me process it in my body because you must release.
503. 57:20And people have to be open to release however it shows up.
504. 57:22But again, I was literally sobbing and then sitting in front of the stone fireplace.
505. 57:28And he has a picture in the fire, and it's literally an outline of a face above my head.
506. 57:33So Jim always showed up, but then also with humor, sometimes he messed with electronics, sometimes the things didn't work in the car, sometimes...
507. 57:41Literally, this is funny. We were singing certain songs, sixties, seventies, whatever, And Jim would completely change the tune, like, literally shift the music, and we would look at each other.
508. 57:52We would laugh. And we're like, okay. That's not what
509. 57:54we're supposed to be listening to right now.
510. 57:56So Glenn has always teased that he is in a threesome.
511. 58:01It's that my husband's on the other side.
512. 58:03So, I I say that to everyone that may be in the situation, or perhaps it's the partner of somebody that has died, is his respect for my children to their dad.
513. 58:16My wall is still we have pictures of Glenn on the wall as well, but those pictures of my husband are still there.
514. 58:22So, has a tremendous amount of respect for Jim.
515. 58:27And there's this tremendous understanding that Jim intended for him to come into my life.
516. 58:33And so, I said his son and my husband lived was born and died at the same minute, But my husband was seeing three thirty three for years before he died.
517. 58:43And he was an engineer and a lawyer. He was like, Why am I seeing these numbers?
518. 58:48We have pictures of him pointing to the numbers.
519. 58:51He told my best friend at MD Anderson, he's like, How am I
520. 58:54going to connect with Julie and the kids?
521. 58:55And she said to him, you will connect through these numbers.
522. 58:58So it's very real, and it's really magical when you're in it.
523. 59:03Yes. So he's been... I would have to say he's been a good sport.

524. Sharon

     59:08Yeah. I love that. I love it because, again, I think anybody in spirit wants us to feel loved and supported.
525. 59:17And, we will find the right person that will support us through as you had to have to go through the grief of Jim, but respecting that he was such a big part of your life, your son's life as well.
526. 59:28And you're honoring what was, but you're honoring the present and where you are now as well, which is, as you said, we only have right now.
527. 59:37Julie, I would talk to you forever and ever and a day because you've just been amazing.
528. 59:42We've only briefly touched on many of the subjects of your life, sharing about your loss, you know, your work about grief, your soul alignment, and there's so much more that I know you will have shared in your book, Divine Ashes Ascending, the journey of dying and living with grace.
529. 1:00:02And anybody that wants to connect with you can do that through risingphoenix.life or they can contact you with Julie at rising phoenix dot life.
530. 1:00:12You're on LinkedIn, Julie Wright, Halbert, and I will be putting all of those links up, Julie, so people can contact you directly or do your book, which can they preorder the book before October?

531. Julie

     1:00:24There's a book portal on my website and you can sign up to be notified.
532. 1:00:29I also just started a Substack at Julie Wright Halbert as well that connects to everything.
533. 1:00:33But yes, there's also free meditation. That's the opening meditation of the book, if you're interested on the website as well.
534. 1:00:40And follow me on Substack for writings that I will be sharing regularly.

535. Sharon

     1:00:45Lovely. I will be the first person connecting with you on Substack because I'm also there.
536. 1:00:51Dearly, it has been amazing. There is so much about you, you know, to be explored.
537. 1:00:58And I hope in the future, maybe in early twenty seven, when your book is being published and you've shared it more around the world and you'll come back with the experiences of other people reading your story and what you have learned along the way through your beautiful work and how they respond to it, because I think it will be a great support for many people.
538. 1:01:21So thank you so much.

539. Julie

     1:01:23No, I can't thank you enough. And I would be honored to return, Sharon, and be with you at any time, to be your friend, to be your sole partner in this journey, and just to continue growing together.
540. 1:01:33It has been an absolute pleasure. I thank you immensely.

541. Sharon

     1:01:36Oh, my pleasure. Thank you so much. That was Julie Wright, Halbert.
542. 1:01:41I'll be putting all of the links up in the show notes.
543. 1:01:43Please do and connect with her. And again, if you have been affected, you know, by the loss of someone that you loved, whether it be, you know, an adult person or a dog or a child or someone from a distance that you admired, that grief is real for you.
544. 1:02:03That grief is held in the body as myself and Julie spoke about.
545. 1:02:08So if you're not ready to take that next step, just even sitting with yourself after listening to this podcast, holding yourself for a moment, nurturing yourself and offering yourself a little bit of compassion, even just for now that it's Okay to cry.
546. 1:02:24It's Okay to be angry or to laugh out loud or to just sit with the memories that you've shared with that loved one or furry animal, whatever it is in your life.
547. 1:02:36Everything is for today, for now, and whatever you're feeling right now matters.
548. 1:02:42So until the next time. Take care of you.

549. Julie

     1:02:45Thank you so much.

550. Sharon

     1:02:55I'll have to do a little finish at the end of it.
551. 1:02:58They have a new button on this.

Machine transcribed, so names, some words and who is speaking may be off. Tap a line to listen from there. Julie on The Sharon Fitzmaurice Podcast, with Sharon Fitzmaurice. Also on YouTube.